1. You pronounce it "Muntreal", not "Mahntreal".
2. You have ever said anything like "I have to stop at the guichet before we get to the dep."
3. Your only concern about jaywalking is getting a ticket.
4. You understand and frequently use terms like "unilingual," "anglophone," "francophone," and "allophone."
5. You agree that Montreal drivers are crazy, but you're secretly proud of their nerves of steel.
6. You have to bring smoked meat from Schwartz's and bagels from St-Viateur if you're visiting anyone west of Cornwall.
7. You refer to Tremblant as "up North."
8. You know how to pronounce Pie IX.
9. ...and you sometimes pronounce it wrong, just for fun.
10. You have an ancient auntie who still says "Saint Dennis."
11. You believe to the depth of your very being that Toronto has no soul.
12. ...but your high school reunion is held in Toronto because most of your classmates live there now.
13. You greet everyone, from lifelong bosom friends to some one you met once a few years ago, with a two-cheek kiss.
14. You know at least one person who used to work for Nortel.
15. *You* used to work for Nortel.
16. You're not impressed with hardwood floors.
17. You've been hearing Celine Dion jokes longer than anyone else.
18. You know whether a 5 1/2 is a big apartment or not.
19. You can watch soft-core porn on broadcast TV, and this has been true for at least 25 years.
20. You cringe when Bob Cole pronounces French hockey player names.
21. You get Bowser & Blue.
22. You were drinking cafe-au-lait before it was latte
23. You order fries "with sauce", not "with gravy".
24. Shopper's Drug Mart is Pharmaprix and Staples is Bureau en Gros, and PFK is finger lickin' good.
25. For two weeks a year, you are a jazz aficionado.
26. You need to be reminded by prominent signage that you should wait for the green light.
27. ...and you don't find that unusual.
28. Everyone on the street - drivers, pedestrians, and cyclists - think they're immortal, and that you'll move first.
29. You're proud that Montreal is the home of Pierre Trudeau, Mordecai Richler, William Shatner, Leonard Cohen and the Great Antonio...and, you consider Donald Sutherland (and by default, Kiefer), Guy Lafleur, Charlie Biddle, and Roch Carrier Montrealers, too.
30. You know that Rocket Richard had nothing to do with astrophysics.
31. You've seen Brother Andre's heart.
32. No matter how bilingual you are, you still don't understand "Ile aux Tourtes."
33. You know the difference between the SQ, the SAQ, and the SAAQ.
34. You measure temperature and distance in metric, but weight and height in Imperial measure.
35. April Wine once played your high school (alternatively, Sass Jordan or Gowan).
36. You know that Montreal is responsible for introducing the following to North America: bagels, souvlaki, smoked meat and Supertramp. Also, Chris de Burgh.
37. You don't drink pop or soda, you drink soft drinks.
38. You have graduated from high school and have a degree, but you've never been in grade 12.
39. The margarine in your fridge is the same colour as lard.
40. Every once in a while, you wonder whatever happened to Luba.
41. You never thought that Corey Hart was cool, but you know someone whose cousin or something dated him.
42. There has to be at least 30cm of snow on the ground in less than 24 hours for you to consider it too snowy to drive.
43. You remember where you were during the Ice Storm.
44. You used to be an Expos fan, but now all you really miss is Youppi.
45. You're a Habs fan; always were, always will be.
46. You know that your city's reputation for beautiful women is based on centuries-old couplings between French soldiers and royally-commissioned whores (aka Les Filles du Roi).
47. You don't understand anyone from Lac-St-Jean, but you can fake the accent.
48. You've been to the Tam Tams, and know they have nothing to do with wee Scottish hats.
49. You discuss potholes like most people discuss weather.
50. While watching an American made-for-TV movie, you realize that "Vienna" is actually Old Montreal, that "New York" is actually downtown and that the "The Futuristic City" is actually Habitat '67.
51. You find it amusing when people from outside Quebec compliment you on how good your English is.
52. You have yet to understand a single announcement made on the Metro PA system, no matter what the language.
53. You don't find American comedians speaking "gibberish" French even remotely funny.
54. You don't find it weird that there's a strip club on every corner downtown.
55. You like your pizza “all-dressed” and the cheese is on *top*.
56. You read Voir and Mirror more often than La Presse or The Gazette
57. You don't mind waiting in line for hours, cuz you've already experienced rides at La Ronde
58. ...but the Boomerang was worth it!
59. You have chronic claustrophobia, from riding the Metro in rush hour traffic.
60. Ordering 1 steamé - chou-moutarde - makes sense to you.
61. "The parade will be held along the usual route" means something to you.
62. ...and you've been to at least one
63. ...and you won't let your Toronto friends forget it
64. You take the metro, not the subway - even in Toronto or New York.
65. No matter what language you're speaking, you recognize other Montrealers on the streets of Toronto.
66. It is civilized to be able to buy beer at the corner store.
67. You thought it should say "dep" instead of "corner store" in that last question.
68. You may not have been born yet, but you're incredibly proud of Expo '67 and the 1976 Olympics and you feel as though you took part.
69. Bikers don't scare you anymore.

Good going!